Whenever we dream to get something really badly and we don’t get it, we become furious. Similarly, when we want to become something in life but we are unable to, we become disappointed at ourselves. No, I won’t say things like one should not lose hope and keep on working hard etc because I believe it is a natural thing to feel that way and we can’t really help it. Yes! We can’t. To feel upset and dejected about not getting what you want is nothing but being what you are…a HUMAN. And those who say that they don’t feel that way or ask you not to feel that way are just trying to act cool and wise (trust me on that).
So it is very clear that I am not going to lecture you on ‘being strong’ and ‘never stop trying’. In fact you know what? I am going to say “STOP TRYING!” stop trying so hard and give yourself a break. Hey! Don’t be so quick to declare me ‘insane’, just be patient and continue reading (please).
We all have dreams, we set goals and then we strive to achieve them; sometimes we thrive, sometimes we don’t and when we fail we become miserable at ourselves. With this begins the blame game; it happened because of ‘me’, because of ‘them’ or because of my ‘fate’. While playing this never-ending game we also ask ourselves millions of questions; why did it happen? Why my hard work didn’t pay off? Why they succeeded but not me? Why did Allah do this to me? Why life is so unfair? (and then the most deadly ones), Why I couldn’t do it? Am I a failure? Am I good for nothing? Am I not as brilliant as others? Am I that unlucky? (SIGH!) It goes on and on….and the worst thing about this question/answer session is, that it’s not only painful but it also makes us more depressed and makes us think more negatively about our capabilities. That’s when we start being skeptical about our abilities.
Failing in our goals is not the real problem but asking ourselves all those useless and stupid questions is where the actual problem lies. But no matter what, we all do this mistake, don’t we? Because at that time we just couldn’t think of anything good about us and our life. And we need to change that. Instead of asking such millions of questions just ask yourself these two questions:
- Did I really work hard and gave my best?
- Is this dream really right/good for me?
If you can answer these questions truly to yourself then it can do wonders for you and then it’s you who will say that maybe I should ‘stop trying’. The first question might be a bit tricky to answer but it’s not going to be difficult. Usually we think that we have tried our best and did everything we can but mostly it is not true. So after failing first ask yourself that did you really try hard? And was it enough? Trying hard means being 100% dedicated and focused towards your dream, being honest and loyal to it, trying every possible thing or way that can be helpful, not caring about days and nights but just about your dream and giving up everything else to achieve your dream. If you think you did it all (or more) then it means you worked hard and you can move on the second question but if you have doubts then maybe you should try again (in this case, don’t stop trying)
Now comes the most challenging part. When we dream for something that dream becomes our life. We start chasing it, often before being sure that it is what we really want; and thinking if it is the right thing for us. Sometimes our dreams are influenced by our surroundings or by the society in which we live in; Ali Zafar is so famous; I also want be a musician, I can’t choose arts because everyone in my family is a doctor or engineer so I’ll have to become a banker, she’s on a merit scholarship; I will do anything to get it too, he’s such a good debater; I want to be like that too, everyone is becoming a fashion designer so I want to be one too, etc etc. So did you see the influence? That’s why I believe it is important to know what you really want from inside. It is good to be impressed by the qualities of others and trying to inculcate them in yourselves but expecting too much from yourself is just going too far. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, capabilities and incapacities; one cannot become expert at everything.
A person who is brilliant in sports, drawing, writing and speaking might not be excellent in studies. He/she may get good or poor marks but not brilliant marks and this is not because he/she is a failure but because studies are not really their strong area. It’s just like a student being a top scorer in Math but being average or below average in English. As I said you cannot be excellent in everything.
If you have a dream to become an out-standing artist for instance and you are sure that’s what you want, you should try your best to become one. But even after trying again and again you are not as out-standing as you dreamt to be then trust me you should stop trying so hard. Don’t burden yourself with goals which are way too difficult for you to achieve. What’s the point in chasing some dream and giving up everything else for it when it is not doing any good? Maybe it is not meant for you. I believe and I’ve learnt from my life experience that if you are unable to achieve something that you want so badly, even after working hard and giving your best, then you should let it go because it is not for you. Allah knows what is best for us better than us; if He has not given us what we wanted then it’s only for our own good. That’s why I say stop trying to get what you have not gotten. Instead of continuing the chase after it and exhausting yourself may be you could direct all your energy and hard work towards something else; you never know you might be extremely talented as a singer, writer, actor, leader or something entirely new. Remember that everyone is special in their own way; if you are not good with numbers then maybe you are good with colors or whatsoever. It is all about unleashing and discovering yourself.
So what if you are not excellent in studies; you are brilliant in sports, so what if you are not a melodious singer; you are an incredible song-writer, so what if you are not a spectacular artist; you are a remarkable designer, so what if you are not famous and admired by millions; you are a good human being and loved by thousands. Instead of being disappointed at what you have not become and achieved in life, be proud and happy at what you already are and have achieved in life. Just because you were incapable of becoming one good thing doesn’t mean that you are good for nothing.
I read a very self-motivating quote somewhere long time ago but it is only recently that I start believing in it. Here it is:
“You have a piece of good news inside you. The good news is you don’t know how great you can be.”